Love is: maybe something like...

Someone who holds you as the terrors of your mind ravage your soul. This person holds you so tightly during the fight that you actually for a moment believe again that your soul will win. In so many words it’s a restoration of hope you almost never knew existed. This person is God’s way of reaching your broken heart to gradually bring healing. Why is it gradual? Healing is gradual because trust is gradual and that should not change no matter how much we want the process to speed up. Trust is ruined if it is rushed.


An investment of the heart. I wish it was controllable like money… Okay maybe as something more stable than money. Who do we trust with our hearts? Can we trust our hearts not to run off with the wrong person or idea? Is this world safe to let our hearts…run?

"Time asks no questions, it moves on without you
Leaving you behind if you can’t stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning, you can’t stop it if you try to
The best part is danger staring you in the face

Listen as the day unfolds, challenge what the future holds
Try to keep your head up to the sky"
-Des'ree, Love will save the day

There is part of me that wants nothing more than to succeed and go off to a great college and become independent. Then there is this part of me that would give anything to be back where I was two years ago, sitting on the porch out in Matoaca looking out over the pond, drinking coffee and relaxing. Ahh to hear the birds chirping and the chickens squawking. What I miss the most is my family. It’s inevitable that I’m going to be separated from them for right now. So what am I going to do with this time? I refuse to let it be a time of just wishing to be back with them. Sometimes things just happen. Shall I look at it as an opportunity or a tragedy, a beginning or an end, or maybe both? Some things have to die in order for dreams to grow.

Security is over-rated. Love is under-rated.

For Chris

Okay so you said I should blog about you so you could know what I think about you so here it is:

Every time I think about you while I can see my reflection, I notice that I’m smiling so I can only assume every time I think about you I smile. (I feel I need to add this aside: When I love people, I love them with all of my heart. I need to protect that. I would do anything you asked me to, or I would at least make an effort to please you in whatever way is best. However, I have found that no one is going to take care of me. I need to take care of myself. I need to be prepared for my future. You will break my heart. I am not ready to be in an intimate relationship with another person right now. I need you to be my friend and nothing more at least for right now.) You are sweet, you are kind, you are funny, you are generous, you are impatient, you are confused, you are discontent, you are inspiring, you somehow give me courage to stand up for myself, you are like a breath of fresh air amongst the stagnant odors of numb disassociation that I find myself slipping into so often. I miss you and yet never want to see you again at the same time. I know I care for you but am uncertain how I should best handle expressing that to you. Pain is okay for me to take but I can’t let you make me more numb than I already am. If you have feelings for me, I need you to be truthful as to exactly what they are. I don’t know what you want from me but this is how I feel.